he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
