I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize