He asked to "fluff my boner.."
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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