oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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