i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize