Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize