he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
