Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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