I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
