I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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