Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
