there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
