I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
