Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
