Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
