I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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