This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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