Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
