Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
