Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
