she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
