Sry I called you an 8
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
