and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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