I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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