I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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