I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
