His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
