Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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