you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
