I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
