there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
