well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
