I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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