i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
