I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
