you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
