went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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