He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
