Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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