idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize