It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
