porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize