In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
