I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
