I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
bring money and cleavage
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
