put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
