hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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