I wish my penis had an off switch
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Fuck appropriateness.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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