After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
