i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
All I want is dick and wine.
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