So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
