i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
time to smoke my breakfast
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
