Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
this just has baby written all over it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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