sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
