Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
