We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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