We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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