And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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