Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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