Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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