I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
