You don't have asthma, your pregnant
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
