I need help removing her.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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