Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
