when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
