White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize