I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
