You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
