you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
