I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
