i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
