it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
